Communication Tip 39: Communicate “To,” Not “At” Someone for Better Results
Make the connection with someone by communicating directly to them.
The difference between communicating “to” or “at” someone seems trivial at first blush. Plus, in the politically correct world of grammar checkers, we’re all supposed to be talking with someone. There’s a big difference between communicating “to” and “at” someone when trying to make big decisions.
First Aid Class
“HELP!!!” screamed my first CPR.
“A measly help cry will not get it done,” he explained. “Scream it like I did. You want everybody, everywhere, to know what’s going on.”
He then paused.
“Next, you look at someone, point to them, and say, ‘Go call 911’.” He added, “If you are unsure they understand, look at the person beside them, point, and say, “You go help them. Call 911.”
Screaming for help and directing someone to call 911 is the difference between talking at versus talking to someone.
Technical professionals use linear communication
Both talking at or talking to someone are examples of linear communication. Linear communication means that there is a message, a sender, and a receiver. The burden of effective communication is on the sender, not the receiver.
The next level above linear communication is interactive communication. That’s where communication with someone comes into play, but mutual understanding and open feedback channels must be present for interactive communication.
Communicate To Someone, Not At Them
Talking at someone is like screaming to the world. Talking to someone is as close as we can get to interactive communication if mutual understanding and feedback are absent. There is no shame in communicating to someone, and that’s exactly what many technical professionals have to do regularly. The trick is having a proven approach for doing so.
The elements of the FINESSE fishbone diagram® are Frame, Illustrate, Noise reduction, Empathy, Structure, Synergy, and Ethics. Communicating with FINESSE is a not-for-profit community of technical professionals dedicated to being highly effective communicators and facilitators. Learn more about our publications, webinars, and workshops. Join the community for free.
